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MAYA'S ADOPTION JOURNEY

WELCOME TO MY JOURNEY TO BRING MY DAUGHTER, MAYA GRACE HOME FROM GUATEMALA. DURING THIS JOURNEY I HAVE STUMBLED OVER MANY MOUNTAINS ONLY TO BUILD MY FAITH. THIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE HARDEST JOURNEY'S OF MY LIFE AND IT HAS THE GREATEST PRIZE AT THE END. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THEM TO PLACE MY DAUGHTER IN MY ARMS FOREVER. MY DREAMS WILL THEN BE REALITY!!!

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

WHERE IS GOD???

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I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A VERY STRONG CHRISTIAN AND CARING PERSON. HOWEVER, THIS ADOPTION HAS LEFT ME VERY ANGRY AND BITTER. I DON'T LIKE TO FEEL THIS WAY BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. FROM THE VERY BEGINNING OF THIS PROCESS (OVER 2 YRS AGO) NOTHING HAS WENT RIGHT. YES, I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER IN GUATEMALA. THAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT IS GOOD ABOUT THIS. NO, I DON'T GET ANGRY WHEN OTHERS BRING THEIR BABIES HOME. I AM SO GLAD TO SEE A CHILD GET OUT OF THAT COUNTRY. HOWEVER, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY SOME HAVE ALL THE LUCK AND OTHERS (LIKE ME) ONLY HAVE BAD LUCK. WHERE IS GOD IN THIS PROCESS? WHY HAS HE FORSAKEN ME? YES, I AM VERY ANGRY AT GOD. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE IS ALLOWING THIS TO HAPPEN. WHY CAN'T I GET JUST ONE LITTLE BREAK? THIS IS KILLING ME PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE I CAN TAKE. I JUST WANT MY DAUGHTER HOME. WILL THIS EVER END??? WILL MAYA EVER COME HOME??? THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS THAT I WAKE UP TO EVERYDAY. I HAVE NO ANSWERS TO THEM.

posted by Ginger--Maya's mommy @ 10:43 AM  

11 Comments:

  • At 10:55 AM, Blogger Julie said…

    Ginger - I'm SO sorry you feel that way. Our process endured its trials and all I can say is that the hurt went away over time. Our daughter came home well after families who started after us. I wish some of us could take this away. You went into this adoption for the right reasons and for the long haul. Your time is coming! Our coordinator gave us some good advice on the wait - "You may not see her first step, but you will see her walk down the aisle." This journey has made you a stronger and more patient mommy. Remember that when she's coloring on your walls with permanent marker! (Sorry - I had to throw in some humor!!)

    On behalf of my little family - our thoughts are hopes are with you!!

     

  • At 11:28 AM, Blogger Unknown said…

    Ginger,

    I am sorry that things are going the way they are now. Know that we all love and wish we could do something to help but its out of our hands and in God's even thought its hard to see. He knows the end result of all thing and it will be done in his way and time.

     

  • At 2:45 PM, Blogger Farrah said…

    Ginger I am so sorry, I often do ask myself that same question...Me asking Why is it fair for one family to adopt 4-6 times and me not have funds to do 2.
    But I feel your pain I was hoping you would get your break by now! This is totally crazy.
    What and the heck is going on now!

     

  • At 3:54 PM, Blogger Dawn said…

    Ginger,
    I had to think some before I replied here. Not because I think what you said was wrong, but because time and time again over the past 26 months I've had to wrestle with God over those exact same feelings. I've raged and screamed and even tried to ignore God. Because a part of my heart felt like it was dying. And I didn't understand.

    Why.

    The universal question. Why suffering? Why pain? Why the innocents?

    I won't even try to pretend I have all the answers because I don't believe any of us will until we get to Heaven. But here is one thing I do understand now.

    God is not the source of evil and He does not bring evil. Our pain is caused by other humans, who like us are sinful. We hurt eachother. Constantly.

    And maybe God chooses not to rescue us because He sees the bigger plan. The other lives that are being touched. The pieces of the puzzle we don't have yet. Maybe by leaving us to help eachother, one more person chooses to reach out. One more person falls to their knees before Him. One more person prays for the children.

    It hurts worse than anything to have your child not with you. Many days it's like a living death. But Ginger know that through those darkest days, the Light IS there. He cares and He will carry you through even this.

    Love you much dear friend. Hold fast. Joy comes. Blessing too. I promise.

    d

     

  • At 5:53 PM, Blogger Karen D. said…

    Ginger,
    I echo what your friend D just said. There have been many times over the last year that I have wondered "Why God? Why me?" I may never know the answers to why I had to deal with what I went through with Anslie, my first referral, or why Abbie wasn't home by 6 months, like I wanted. I have had to learn that His plans, though I may not always understand, are FAR better than my plans. Somehow, I think that this is where living by Faith comes in.

    I am praying for you. My heart is breaking for you. I am here if you need me! You have my number.

    Love and prayers,
    Karen

     

  • At 6:48 PM, Blogger Bekah said…

    Your friend d is a wise person. I struggle with you...wondering where God is in this crazy thing called international adoptions. He calls us to care for orphans and then it feels like he abandons us in the process. But like d said..God is not the source of evil and the crazy lawyers and PGN people and all the other people that have failed you time and time again are the ones making this so painful for you. Why doesn't God intervene and rescue you? I DON'T KNOW. I am praying that He will. Really, my heart is breaking for you and I have had some words with the Lord about how you continue to get the shaft time and time again. I can't say anything to make this situation better but know that it's okay to be mad because we were not made or designed to live thousands of miles from our children. I am praying, Ginger. Hang on.

     

  • At 7:52 PM, Blogger LouLou said…

    Ginger,
    My heart is breaking for you, and I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. The others who have posted have made wonderful points about our loving Father. It was hard for me at some points of AP's adoption....i KNEW that God had led us to do this, and I didn't understand WHY He allowed some things to happen to me. I finally came to the conclusion that there are many more things that I won't understand...I just have to trust. Ultimately God had the final answer in our adoption, and He will finish what He started with Maya's. I know He is always teaching us lessons in life. I am praying that your lesson is taught, and that HE will send Maya home to you soon.
    Keep praying, Ginger. He is hearing you.

    I am sending you MUCH love. PLEASE call me if you need me.....

     

  • At 8:42 PM, Blogger Shelby said…

    Ginger-
    I am not sure if there is anything to add-- you have wise friends. I guess I would just say continue to trust. it will happen but sadly it does not always happen in our time but it does in God's time. Be strong and let me know if there is anything I can do...

     

  • At 8:55 PM, Blogger Cameo said…

    I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say.

     

  • At 10:22 PM, Blogger bodegalee said…

    Oh Ginger,
    ((BIG HUGS)) ... how I wish I were closer and could really give you that hug instead of thru cyber space.. I dont have answers to your Q's... as you know with our story, I certainly had all these questions and then of late in my world of adoption there has been even more loss.... someone who is disrupting because their child has a significant brain anomoly that wasnt caught previously... another whose child died at 10 months of SIDS (just like Soo Hee) ; and finally a 2.5 yr old boy who drowned in the tub while being watched by a friend of the parents.. I in NO WAY post this to minimize your pain, but to illustrate that of late I have no clue what our glorious God is doing.. The AM I was leaving for the airport to pick up Andrew, the mom of Aubrianna (on my blog) was about to bury her dd.. I just dont get it.. Why?? It makes me angry all over again... as well as questioning why??

    What I do feel after all we've been thru is an incredible strength...(even after last night juggling grieving baby at 230 AM finally getting him down by 4 AM only to be awakened at 4:05 aM by vomiting dd - the joys of parenthood!! :) ) and knowledge that we're gonna be ok.. Iknow that you will be too (even when you're in vomit central - which I suspect right now you're looking forward to :) )!

     

  • At 9:03 AM, Blogger Alleen said…

    Ginger, my heart hurts for you. Our pastor a few months ago asked everyone to write down any question they had and his sermon would be to try to answer those questions. One person asked why God allowed so much pain and suffering and sometimes took away lives much too soon. His answer to that was that God never promised an easy or long life, he only promised us life. I thought that was a good way of putting it. And he also mentioned, as others did, that it is other fragile humans who aren't pure like God that cause much of the pain and suffering in the world.

    Please hang on somehow, some way. This will end. I don't know when, but hopefully soon.

     

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Location: Alabama, United States

I am a single mother with a daughter from Guatemala. I brought her home on August 21st, 2007. I am loving every second of motherhood. Maya is the love of my life. I can't imagine life without her. I thank God everyday that she is home in my arms.

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